VENUE: Near to Vaucluse Factory, St Thomas
DATE: 15 October, 2005
HARES: Eva, Priscilla, Marissa, Damian & Ian
SCRIBE: David "Pyro" Craig
A very pleasant location with a healthy sized pack of hounds eagerly awaiting the start. Rene, the Hash Horn set the pack off towards the first check which had almost been rendered invisible by a morning rainfall. Your Scribe found the ON which led us along a cane track and to the second check. From there the trail went uphill and around a ploughed field to the third check near to the Vaucluse Factory. At this juncture the assembled hounds had great difficulty in locating the trail. Many didn't bother and simply stood around like spares at a wedding! The FRB's were annoyed as they were unable to run off and out of sight. Ralf and the Dick Doc sniffed in different directions, Stella's dog sniffed at other things whilst the Hash Master, with his `lottaplastered' wife about to return to inspect his drinking plans, looked pretty miserable.
The trail was eventually found by an unknown FRB who summoned the ON to a very spread out pack, some had gone left at the check and were at the bottom of a very steep hill when cries of ON ON were heard in the distance. Francie, missing the lack of her drug filled water bag trotted at the centre of the pack chatting inanely to anyone who wished to listen, Pat Stanley brushed away the years in her hash pyjamas whilst Quinda maintained a good pace near to the front.
The Horn got quieter and quieter until lack of energy put paid to any sound coming from Rene's exertions. In fact his main exertion was to flash in front of the pack -- neatly photographed by Hash Flash himself Mike Rogers!
The trail meandered its way along and down cane paths and tracks with a terrific backdrop of surrounding countryside. However, at the sight of the Hares' peculiar marking of an underlined "W", this completely mesmerized the Hash Master's weary brain and he simply dodged round it and many leading hashers followed suit. On they ran into the countryside and got lost. Much later James Elliott (ex Hash Master) went out to find and bring back lost and disoriented hashers. By so doing he missed a deserved down down for desertion.
Three Royal Navy virgins -- I thought such a thing was unknown -- thoroughly enjoyed their afternoon away from boiler stroking or scrubbing the decks. One of the sailors known affectionately as Chest of Seaman avidly followed the trail carefully ogling the legs of many of the hashettes.
After a long trek through a gully the trail veered left and through cane fields and on back towards Vaucluse. Unfortunately, in the eyes and mind of your scribe, shredded paper was used as part of the trail. Surely unnecessary as it litters the countryside! Nevertheless, most hashers (except the HM!) were able to find the trail. On the trek back to the cars Pat Stanley and Margaret Foster were heard to announce that it was great to get a free ride and a drink on the hash! Francie thought that they were alluding to a car ride.
By the time the leaders of the pack reached the bar, the FRB pack which the Hash Master had led astray earlier were already swigging their way through the contents of the cool boxes.
An enjoyable run which would have been quicker by some 15 minutes if the early part of the trail had been remarked after the morning downpour. However, the consensus of opinion was that the run was enjoyable and held at a great location.
Your Scribe, as acting RA, ably assisted by a jury of Brian Stanley, Cornish Johnny and James Craig -- Francie elected to ignore her duties and I failed miserably to bring her before the podium. The following were rewarded.
The previous week’s shits -- Mike Rogers, Roger Brian and George `Dogman' Matthews were hauled before the podium, David Stirling the Hash Woodman for blatant SCB'ing whilst Rob Bateson the long serving ex RA was deemed guilty of failing to call a single ON ON. His excuse that he had a tooth extracted and that this affected his vocal cords didn't convince the RA. Pat Stanley, who had experienced a free ride earlier on the run was also found guilty of trollopy behaviour -- saying to Rob that his facial disfigurement gave her the impression that he had his nuts in his mouth.
Roger Hart was found to have been a negligent hound by leading the FRB's on a non existent trail and therefore missing half the run, Rene was deemed a heretic by displaying himself in public whilst the Hash Flash by photographing Rene `au naturale' on the Poofter award. However, the jury by majority vote accepted that he was simply doing his job as official hash photographer.
The Hares were brought to their knees and thanked for presenting a very enjoyable run although scolded for not re-setting part of the trail after the downpour and for using paper. However, it was agreed that the run was a success.
Last but not least, Wayne Scott & Alan Clarke were summoned as the new Shits for bringing two young friends to the Hash but failing to advise them that black shirts can only be worn by SHITS. The two were jointly deemed guilty.
Thereafter, Hollist Webb (100 runs) and Paula Griffith, Mike Parkinson (50 runs each) were celebrated before a troop of virgins were brought forward for the ritual deflowering. Haste ye back!
ON ON!
